Akatsuki goes to WalMart
by Skyskater
Summary: Deidara and Itachi are out of hair gel and Zetsu, Kisame, Hidan, and Kakuzu are watching the Rockets vs Warriors game. Crisis ensues, and they go to WalMart. T for language, OOC characters
1. The Crisis

I have to thank AkiraDawn for this great idea of doing humor fics with the Akatsuki. A story about the Akatsuki going to WalMart is already made, I think, but this is my version of it...

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. If I did, Deidara would be a girl and Haku would be a Sex Ed. teacher. Now. On with the story. Read and review!

"Itachi, unn! But we HAVE to go to Wal-Mart!"

Itachi didn't even look up from the novel he was reading, which was about a boy named Natsu and a girl named Ai and about how they were teenagers in love and they were expecting...it was just getting to the best part too...

"Why?" (that's Itachi if you're lost)

"Because I'm out of hair gel, unn!"

"So? It's not like the world is going to end just because you're out of hair gel."

"**AND **there aren't any more bottles of it in the cabinet, yeah!"

At this, Itachi put down his novel and looked up, his face a mask of total stunned shock. "**WHAT DID YOU SAY?!"**

Deidara was panicking and spazzing now. "**WE HAVE TO GO TO WAL-MART!"**

The rest of the Akatsuki members, who were currently watching the Rockets vs. Warriors basketball game, yelled from the other room, "WOULD YOU SHUT UP?! YAO MING GOT KNOCKED DOWN AND THE SCORE IS 20 TO 15 WARRIORS!"

"See what I mean, yeah? You're the only one who really understands me...unn. They don't care about fashion like we do Itachi! So, we have to go to Wal-Mart yeah! And besides, the others might want something there too, yeah!"

"Well," Itachi said, "Zetsu doesn't care about fashion because...he won't look good in anything anyways! He's a plant for gods sake! And Hidan won't wear anything that isn't overly religious and he'd freak the people who help you out (I have no clue what they're called) with that really weird ritual about stabbing himself in the chest and then lying down on the ground and then we'd probably be banned from Wal-Mart because he'd be bleeding all over the damn floor...And Kakuzu, well...he just hates Hidan and would probably get that chance to cut him open, pull out his organs, poke out his eyes and feed them to the pigeons. Then he'd be accused of murder and he'd have to go to court and be on that show Judge Judy or whatever...and Sasori wears the same fing thing every day and only cares about dressing his puppets..."

"Yeah! Now you're speaking my language, unn!"

"This IS a crisis...I do agree...hmmm...Well, we should just bring the gang along anyway, that way they can back us up if we get blamed for something that we did not do...EVERYBODY INTO THE TSUKIMOBILE!" (yes it's a crappy name for a car but you know, what else would it be?)

After much grumbling from Kisame, Kakuzu, Zetsu, Hidan, and Sasori, which was quickly resolved by Deidara saying, "I'll record it on TVO Danna! (what is it anyway? TBO?)", everybody piled into the Tsukimobile, which was a black Lexus with tinted windows and a 6 person seater, and they managed to get Sasori in by squeezing him into the trunk of the Lexus. Then...they proceeded the drive to Wal-Mart.

Deidara was driving, and that never was a good thing, since he insisted on driving really fast and could only really see through one eye. Kisame went green (xD he went GREEN) when Deidara took a turn on two wheels.

"Deidara, slow the fuck down!" Sasori yelled from the trunk. "You're gonna get us into an accident, and then the LEADER will KILL US!"

"Sorry, danna, I really do love you and all, but this is an emergency! We're out of hair gel and this simply cannot wait, un!"

And that's when Itachi noticed EXACTLY what Deidara was wearing.

"Is that...it can't be...it is?! When did I say you could wear my black Nautica shirt and American Eagle brand jeans?"

"Well, you're wearing the shirt I got from Hurley and those pants I got from Abercrombie and Fitch, unn!"

"**DEIDARA, RED FUCKING LIGHT!" **Hidan and Kakuzu yelled, clinging to each other in their moment of insane fear. Kisame had already fainted from that second hairpin turn Deidara had taken at 70 miles an hour.

"We're all gonna die..." Sasori thought in the trunk. "Maybe if Deidara crashes head on, then I'll be spared...oh shit no, then the Leader will kill me for not stopping him sooner! I mean, I am his partner and he even admitted that I was stronger than him! But how could I explain to the leader that I was in the trunk? He'll never believe that shit! Oh crap, what smells in here? It's like a DOG crapped in here or something..."

"Even if we survive this, the Leader will kill us...this is the new company car...not to mention that it's a very expensive Lexus too...I mean, look! Leather seats!" Itachi thought.

Hidan was chanting prayers, Zetsu had turned even greener than was humanly possible, and Kakuzu had turned as white as Orochimaru. Deidara, on the other hand, seemed to be having the time of his life. He was laughing like a maniac and yelling crap at all the other cars that honked at him. Itachi closed his eyes and hoped to Kami that they didn't die. 'If I die now,' he thought, 'Then Deidara will be ranked number one in the magazine...and I can't let that happen!'

Deidara zoomed straight through the intersection of Green and Maple at 80 miles per hour, leaving a trail of car crashes and very scared pedestrians in his wake.

Kisame woke up to the sound of squealing brakes. They had pulled into a parking space next to the cart return at Wal-Mart, nearly squishing the little Volkswagen Bug that was in the slot next to them. 'Pity the owner of that car...' Itachi thought.

They piled out of the Tsukimobile, and surprisingly, the black Lexus hadn't received any major damage...just a few scratches, but they could go over that with Sharpie later. They let out Sasori, who tumbled to the ground, and then looked at each other to see how they were doing. Deidara looked like a little kid who's mom had said they could go and get ice cream, Itachi was extremely pissed that Deidara had worn HIS designer clothes without asking, Hidan was about to stab himself in the chest and fall flat on the ground, Kakuzu was busy trying to stop him, Sasori was a little banged up from being stuffed in the trunk that smelled like dog crap and Deidara's reckless driving, and Zetsu and Kisame were a little green around the gills...

A/N:

Kami its like God in Japanese...

Alright. Have a great day you guys! And don't forget to check out my other stories too.


	2. Where are You Going?

Okey...second chapter...thanks for your support! makes me feel much more confident.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. If I did, Deidara would be a girl and Haku would be a Sex Ed. Teacher. On with the story!**

**Chapter 2. (oh whatever, this is like the connecting chapter between 1 and 2...1 and a half. That's it!)**

"Okay," Itachi said. "Deidara and me are going to the Fashion section. Where are all the rest of you going?"

"I'm gonna go to the Arts & Crafts section. I have to get some more paint for my puppets...I mean, poking out people's eyes is fun and all, but it gets really annoying when they get blood all over the puppets...and then I have to repaint them...so you know..."

"And I shall go to the section where they have those vases. I got this flyer just the other day that they were having a sale on angels' vases!"

"**I'll be in Vons! In the MEAT SECTION! It's been far too long since I tasted the wonderful delectable juicily raw meat of COW!" **(well, you know...) Zetsu clasped his hands together, drooling at the thought of all that meat...

"Eh...whatever. I'll just go with Hidan. Nothing I have to buy here anyway and I have to keep him outta trouble, because Kami knows that he might stab himself in the chest again! and lie down on the floor AGAIN! and bleed all over the damn floor...AGAIN!"

"Alright, so Danna is going to the Arts and Crafts section (I don't see why he can't just pound some damn flower petals together...), Itachi and me are going to the Fashion section (because this is a crisis and our fashion matters much more than the others can really see), Hidan and Kakuzu are gonna check out vases, (I hope Hidan gets his head stuck in one), and Zetsu's gonna go across the street to Vons, unn! (I hope he gets run over by a car.)

And so speaking, the Akatsuki members split up to go to the places where they wanted to go the most.


	3. Sasori's Story

**Third chapter...well, really chapter 2. Because last chapter was where they were going. Okay...this chapter is like...4 pages and counting in notebook paper, so you know...what can I say? It's kinda boring being in 7th grade in a middle school where you like know...nobody?!**

**There is a person who reviews this story and his/her parents will not allow him/her to continue to read this fic if I keep cursing. So from now on, I will put an asterisk in there for bad words. Okay.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. If I did, Deidara would be a girl and Haku would be a Sex Ed. teacher. On to chapter 3. (2?)**

**Chapter 3: Sasori's Story**

Sasori pulled up a cart and walked toward the arts and crafts section since he needed to buy more paint for his puppets. A kid ran into his path without his noticing (I mean, it was a pretty small kid), and then BAM! The sound of an obnoxiously loudly crying kid filled the whole store. "OH MY FKING GOD! KEIJI, ARE YOU ALRIGHT?!" A teenager with long blonde hair came rushing out of the aisle to the crying kid.

"Okaa-san! The mean man hurt me!" The blonde glared at him. "YOU! YOU FKING APOLOGIZE TO KEIJI RIGHT NOW!"

"...Sorry..." (OMG Sasori apologized? This is why its OOC)

The blonde glared at him some more, and Sasori had a funny thought that this girl would probably be the equivalent of Deidara in female form, and if looks could kill, Sasori would have had around 5 million shuriken stuck in him then.

The blonde teenager huffed, turned onher heel, holding on to the kid's hand, and stalked off. "I swear! **Teenagers these days! **Next thing you know, he'll be driving drunk and talking on his cellphone!"

'WTF? That kid called her okaa-san. **AND **she's A TEENAGER! There are too many teenage mothers in the world as it is. AND she called ME a teenager! Who the hell does she think I am?! Some stupid sophomore who can't read his own handwriting?! (1) I'm like older than her by 14 years! Ooh she's gonna pay!' (he didn't say this out loud...he's thinking)

Abandoning his shopping cart in the middle of the aisle, he walked after her, humming to himself and pretending to look around at the various art merchandise displayed on the shelves. He followed her to the baby secetion, where she met up with another teenager, except this one was a guy.

"Hey, Danielle," he said, hugging her.

"Hey Duke."

"What's wrong with Keiji?"

The little kid named Keiji tugged his hand away from his mother's and ran to Duke.

"Otou-san! Okaa-san and me were in the art section..."

"Okaa-san **And I**, Keiji."

"Okaa-san and I were in the arts section looking for crayons, and then this mean guy with red hair and green eyes and wearing a black shirt with blue pants knocked me over with a shopping cart!"

"Is he that one, Keiji?" Duke asked, pointing to Sasori, who had failed to conceal himself behind a rack of baby clothes in time. He gulped. Boy, that teenager Duke looks pretty tough...

Keiji nodded quietly, looking up at his dad while his mom wiped his tears off his face with her sleeve.

Duke cracked his knuckles, his eyes flaring. As he cracked the knuckles of his other hand Sasori saw something shiny flash in the light. A ring? he thought. He looked at Danielle's hand. Another ring. They're married and parents?! OMG they can't be older than 16 and they're probably sophomores in high school and they have a kid?!

Duke's voice broke into his thoughts. "You mess with my wife and kid, you mess with me, bub. And even though I'm only a sophomore in high school..."

'I was right...' Sasori thought.

"And even though I'm only a sophomore in high school, I can still beat you up! I'm captain of the football team!"

No wonder it looks like you're an insomniac like that Gaara kid, Sasori thought. (2)

"Excuse me, can I help you with something, ma'am?"

Sasori had been absentmindedly fiddling with a black toddler's shirt with the slogan, "Hello my name is Trouble." (my little bro. has this shirt!)

SALVATION! Sasori thought. Oh great, now I'm starting to act like Hidan...

In fact, Sasori had been too absentminded to notice that the helper had called him Ma'am.

"Yes, well, you see," he said, turning away from the very angry family, "My spouse and I are expecting a baby in around 8 months, and people have told us it's always better to be prepared! So we need some clothes and supplies for our little bundle of joy."

The assistant, who had so foolishly thought Sasori was a girl, clasped her hands together and squealed.

"Oh that's wonderful! Is it a boy or a girl?"

The blonde girl, Danielle, opened her mouth to say that Sasori was a guy, but her son said, "Mom, it's rude to interrupt people when they are speaking."

She looked totally shocked for a second, and Sasori took that second to gloat in his moment of triumph, then she said, "That's right, Keiji. I forgot. Thank you for reminding me."

"Well? Boy or girl?"

Sasori turned back to the assistant. "Er, well, we haven't determined it yet...we might have twins..."

"Oh my gosh! Then you'll need a lot of clothes! You know, sometimes they say you can tell what gender your baby or babies are by the foods you crave. So what kinds of foods do you crave?"

"Er...well, I've been eating a lot of ice cream, popcorn balls, and gyoza lately..."

"What kind of gyoza?"

"Vegetable..." (3)

"OH...then you might be pregnant with fraternal twins. Studies show that women that are pregnant with girls eat a lot more sweets and women pregnant with boys eat a lot more vegetables and meat...Here! Let me show you these fine newborn clothes!"

And Sasori was dragged off, never getting his revenge on Danielle, as the assistant forced him to a rack of newborn clothes of varying shapes and sizes.

'Darn...I'll never get outa here...'

**A/N: Lol. This was Chapter 3.**

**1. No offense to any high schoolers, I actually think high schoolers are pretty cool.**

**2. Because you know how football players put that black marker under their eyes to protect them from the glare...and it looks like they have insomnia.**

**3. Isn't vegetable the only type of gyoza? I don't know.**

**Anyway. Watch BLEACH! It's awesome!**


	4. Zetsu's Story

**Chapter 4 of this story...lol, I LOVE the reviews you guyz are giving me...you are so supportive of me during these troublesome times...(the week filled with the most hw because teachers don't want to let you off the hook RAWR! -.-) This is Zetsu's story.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. If I did, Deidara would be a girl and Haku would be a Sex Ed. teacher. On with the story.**

**

* * *

**Zetsu walked out the door of Wal-Mart, going over to the crosswalk to patiently wait for the walk sign. However, we all know just exactly how 'patient' a bloodthirsty, carnivorous, plant-human thingy can be when it smells fresh meat in the near future.

It was one of those terrible intersections where there's an arrow light at every traffic light so people never really do get the chance to walk across the street without getting hit by a car.  
**2 minutes later: **He was tapping his foot on the sidewalk anxiously.  
**5 minutes later: **He was tapping his foot anxiously and pressing the crosswalk button repeatedly.  
**7 minutes later: **He was punching the crosswalk sign, making dents in it.

Then the red DO NOT WALK sign turned to the WALK sign. Zetsu ran across the street, and in his excitement, he knocked a little kid to the ground. He was stopped in the middle of the street by the very angry mother.

"Who the hll do you think you are, you mutated demented thing?! Just because you are a plant-human thingy does not give you the right to knock my kid down!"

The WALK sign had disappeared and the DO NOT WALK sign was blinking rapidly. The mother continued her rant.

"And I am not afraid of you even though you are a green plant-human thingy! You knocked my kid over, and I shall avenge him! (sounds like Sasuke huh?) And just because I am 5'2 and you are 6'0 + does not mean that I am scared of you! THIS IS CHILD ABUSE!"

Cars were honking from all sides now. Nobody really wanted to get charged with murder for killing three people, but one certain driver, a brunette in his twenties, had a screaming wife in the backseat who was currently in labor, and he REALLY couldn't wait. So BAM! He drove right through the intersection, really not wanting to get charged with murder, but not wanting to be killed by his wife later.

"Oh sht," Zetsu muttered, as he stared at the car that was zooming straight towards them. 'If I don't make it out of here alive, I'll never have the chance to taste that juicily delectable raw meat of cow!' he thought. And he was motivated. He grabbed the woman's hand, who in turn grabbed her kid's hand, and he dragged them to the other side of the street, to the sidewalk where they would be safe.

And the mother STILL continued her rant even AFTER he had saved her and her kid from possible death.

'I wonder...how she would taste,' Zetsu thought, not absorbing a word she said about how her kid had been touched by a green plant-human thingy and about how she was gonna sue Zetsu for infecting her child with bacteria, 'She looks pretty tasty...but I'd probably DIE of heartburn eating all that HAIR...my god, it looks like she has more hair than Itachi and Deidara COMBINED! And besides, I'm probably gonna puke if I eat another person too soon...' He was having a flashback of the last major battle they'd had. Leader had abused his ability to eat people...

"Hey Zetsu! Eat this one! And this one too! Ooh, you might want to lick up that puddle of blood over there, we can't afford the popo(1) after us again, not after we already have a record from the time Deidara blew up **2 whole city blocks **in San Francisco..."

The mother was still yelling at him as he walked into Vons, making a beeline for the meat section.

* * *

He walked up to the counter, observing all the different kinds of meats they had on sale. Now that he was actually here, he wanted to make sure that he got the best quality food possible. He didn't want to get food poisoning like last time...they'd had to get the bathroom remodeled after that...it was a terrible time...

Anyway...his eyes wandered over the different meats. 'Pork? Nah...had that last night. Fish? Ugh..fish make me sick...Goat? Who the heck eats goat??? Chicken? Nah...we can always just kill one of Deidara's birds and pluck it and roast it...Aha! BEEF!'

He looked at the guy who was standing across the counter from him, behind the displayed meats.

"Er, excuse me, could I buy that...?"

"Like dude! You're like...green! That is so rad! And look, your hair is green too! You got WICKED highlights man!"

"..."

'What the heck is he saying?' Zetsu wondered. 'Is this what guys talk like these days? If that's the case, then I'm so out of it!'

"Well, anyway, I'd like to buy that meat over there..."

"Like tcha! I can't believe it! You're GREEN! Oh My Gosh...are you Johnny Depp? I can see the resemblance! Wow! I never knew you dyed your hair and skin green, Johnny! Can I have your autograph???"

"I just want to buy that..."

"Here!" The butcher guy had already fished out a pen from one of his many pockets and said, "Sign right here! On my forehead! Yes! I've never gotten any autographs of famous people except for Anna Nicole Smith, but when she died, you know, I sold it to get some money, but then I blew it off on a new car ya know, so now I have this worthless job...but still! Johnny Depp's autograph! I'll show it to my grandkids...and then I'll tell them how I met you...right here, in the meat section..."

"Er...okay..."

'I'd best do what he wants...' Zetsu thought... 'and then afterwards I'll get my meat. Maybe he'll give it to me free because he thinks I'm a celebrity...that I've never even heard of...'

He took the black marker and scrawled "Johnny Depp" across the guy's forehead.

"Like totally! I can't believe it! I got Johnny Depp to sign my forehead! I'll never wash this forehead again! Like, I never thought that Johnny Depp would come to VONS of all places, and to MY SECTION...Oh My Gosh. I figured it out! It must be karma coming back to thank me for that time when I helped out this homeless dude on the sidewalk, ya know...I gave him a loaf of bread and some meat and half my paycheck, and he thanked me because he needed to feed his wife and kids too ya know..."

And the guy was going on a total rant. Zetsu sighed. 'I'd be better off just killing the dmn cow myself...since I'll never get anywhere with this guy...'

* * *

**1. Since I figure nobody really knows what the Akatsuki Leader's personality is or what he looks like, and since this is MY story, I'm gonna make him...ghetto. Popo is another word for police right??? Because fuzz sounded too...odd, and police just sounded stupid. Hence the word: Popo.**

Have a great day you guys and read my other stories, kay?


	5. Deidara and Itachi's Story

**Lol. Went to San Francisco this weekend, had a hot fudge sundae...walked all over Chinatown to mingle with "my chosen people" (I'm Chinese if you haven't figured it out yet xD)...and had a great time! **

**NOTE: IF YOU ARE BLONDE OR LIKE ORLANDO BLOOM OR BOTH, PREPARE FOR A BASHING. NO FLAMES. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. If I did, Deidara would be a girl and Haku would be a Sex Ed. teacher. On with the 5th chapter of this. **

**Oh yeah...I forgot to add where Kisame was going in Chapter 2...I'm sorta scatterbrained ya know...and my parents wonder how I get a 4.0 GPA every quarter...ANYWAY...let's just say Kisame fainted and had to be stuck in the car because...he weighs a lot and they didn't want to drag him out. So there.**

* * *

Deidara and Itachi went to the Fashion section, looking for a very specific brand of hair gel. These two just would not settle for anything else but their favorite brand of hair gel. Finally, they reached the hair gel section of the Fashion section. 

While they were looking through the various brands of hair gel, another boy came to the aisle they were in. Itachi and Deidara usually liked to look through their favorite brands of hair gel in privacy, so they turned to look at the intruder. He had really thick glasses and freckles and had braces. (If you can sorta imagine Haruhi in the first episode of Ouran High School Host Club, that's what this guy looks like...sort of.)

"OMG! IT'S A GEEK! RUN FOR YOUR LOOKS!" Itachi screamed, running away like a little girl with Deidara hot on his heels.

The geek sat down in the center of the aisle and started to cry. "Everybody...t-t-they all h-hate m-m-me!"

Deidara and Itachi now felt bad for making someone cry, and a total stranger at that. (Yeah right! These two would kill people lol) It was then that Deidara decided not to judge people by their looks or by their label, and decided that he himself was superior in fashion to everybody on the face of the planet, except maybe Itachi. He walked into the aisle again, ignoring Itachi's desperate attempts to stop him.

"Hey kid. Don't cry any more, yeah. Not good for your looks, yeah...not that you have any unn..."

The boy stopped crying, ignoring this last comment, and looked up at him, hiccuping.

"W...who are you?"

"I'm Deidara, yeah!"

'Deidara Yeah? Yeah Deidara? Yeah no Deidara??? WTF???' (he's thinking, not saying this out loud)

"O...okay...I'm...Toshiro...Toshiro Matsuki."

"Okay! Why would you need hair gel though, yeah? Your hair doesn't look as though it needs any, unn...I mean, it's like all flat!"

"It's for a math project I'm doing. Maybe you can help me, Deidara Yeah?" (1)

"Okay! Yeah! Now you're speaking my language, yeah!"

"Okay. See? Hair gel makes water thicker and the water will swing in a straight parabola. If the water is without hair gel though, the axis of symmetry will disappear. Currently, I'm looking for a brand of hair gel to test the initial velocity."

Deidara wasn't taking in a word of this, of course, he was thinking, 'Wow...this guy could maybe overtake Itachi in a smart-off, unn...if he wasn't quite so geeky, and if we did something with those ugly clothes, he could be like...the next Shikamaru of the generation, unn!" (originally it was supposed to be the next Sasuke...but ya know...Shikamaru just fits better here)

"Okay, and so the initial velocity of the water swinging in a straight parabola should then hit the ground approximately 5.3 seconds after I shoot it from a Super Soaker and the initial height would be 10 ft. 11 inches."

Deidara was totally confused. (I was writing this in Algebra...that's why all the math terms are here)

"And therefore, using the formula for velocity: Negative five x squared plus v o t plus c equals zero, combined with direct variation to the slope formula: y equals mx plus b, and varying inversely with the formula for quadratic equations: Negative b plus or minus the square root of b squared minus Four a c all over 2a, then the hair gel thickened water will hit the ground precisely 4.2 seconds after I shoot it from a Super Soaker." (If you didn't understand a word of this, don't feel bad...I have no clue what this is supposed to be myself...)

Deidara nodded, still not really getting what the heck this kid was talking about. It did make a pretty good story though...then Toshiro's voice broke into his thoughts.

"So would you help me find a certain brand of hair gel? Preferrably something under $5? I'm on a budget here."

"Okay, unn." This was something that Deidara could get through his thick skull. He looked through the shelves, his experienced hands brushing over labels as his eye flicked over various containers. "Here, unn!"

He handed a bottle of Moose hair gel to Toshiro, and Toshiro smiled and said, "Gee! Thanks Mister Deidara Yeah!"

"No prob, Toshiro, yeah!"

"But...hmm...can you help me with my project? I mean, you're like, a high school junior or something right? Then you can help me! I'm only a freshman!"

Deidara may have had looks, but he wasn't terribly smart. Okay. That's an exaggeration. He was just plain dumb. On the average IQ test his test results had been negative, and Itachi had scored a 274. He had failed kindergarten TWICE and by the time he was in grade school, his parents had already given up on him and had decided to use his college fund for a nice soothing vacation to Alaska. In junior high, his teacher had called him colorblind (2) and the art teacher had told him that he would make a wonderful artist if he could make ANYTHING besides birds. He'd tried to make an elephant once, but it turned out with a beak and feathered wings, resulting in the teacher giving him an F+, for a failed effort. He'd dropped out of school halfway through his freshman year, because Algebra 8 (3) proved to be too hard for him and his test results were zilch.

"Erm..."

"Well? Could you help me? Pretty please?"

"Well...I don't really know those formulas, to tell you the truth, unnn..."

"...WHAT?" (Toshiro thinks it's a crime to not know the meaning of math)

"You see, I dropped out of high school at the mid-term of my freshman year unn..."

* * *

**BLONDE AND ORLANDO BLOOM BASHING STARTS HERE. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED.**

"...I should have known it...gosh, I must have been really stupid to ask a BLONDE who only cares about fashion for homework help..." And he walked away, still holding the bottle of hair gel.

A few moments after he'd walked away, Itachi came out from his hiding place behind a rack of Fusion razors.

"Are you just gonna let him get away with that? I mean, I know he's a geek and all and has no manners or fashion whatsoever, but still! Are you gonna let yourself be pushed around like that? ARE YOU?!" (Itachi is Deidara's confidence trainer)

"I...I don't know...unnn..."

"No! Be a man! You have to take responsibility for others' actions and for their very misguided fashion sense!"

"But...it's my fault that I'm not smart unn..."

"NO! IT'S YOUR PARENTS' FAULT!"

"Hey! Don't you dare have a go at my parents yeah! Your parents were crazy wackos who though 1 + 1 11!"

"You mean to tell me you didn't hear what that kid said about your parents as he was walking out?"

"He said something about my parents, unn?"

"YEAH! He said that your parents were a waste of human space and just basically walking corpses with hardly enough brainpower to walk and talk at the same time!"

"OOHHHHH! NOW HE'S GONNA GET IT, YEAH!"

"NOW GO AND SHOW HIM WHAT YOU'RE MADE OF!"

"YEAH!"

And so Itachi and Deidara rushed off to go and catch that very misguided fashion-sense, very insulting freshman.

"YOU!" Deidara yelled from halfway across the store.

Toshiro turned, only to be lifted up by the front of his shirt by a very, very angry "Mr. Deidara Yeah."

"YOU LITTLE RACIST PIG! JUST BECAUSE I AM BLONDE DOES NOT MAKE ME STUPID! I DO NOT GET DRUNK AND DRIVE A CAR TO GO TO A JAIL LIKE PARIS HILTON OR M ARRY BAJILLIONS OF PEOPLE TO JUST DIE LIKE ANNA NICOLE SMITH YEAH!!!!! SOME BLONDES ARE SMART TOO! LIKE...LIKE...**ORLANDO BLOOM!" (5)**

"For your information, Orlando Bloom is a brunette and personally, I think he is quite stupid, and that if he had not been chosen to play as Will Turner in Pirates of the Caribbean he would have been a hobo on the side of the street!" (Don't hurt me...I'm an Orlando Bloom fan too!)

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, YEAH!" Deidara screamed, falling to the ground and spazzing, foaming at the mouth, while screaming "ORLANDO BLOOM BETRAYED ME!" at the top of his lungs.

Itachi sighed. "This happens every week," he muttered, "and we'll probably never be alloewd to come back to this Wal-Mart again...Great going, Deidara...now we won't be able to get our hair gel cheap again..."

The cashier had picked up the phone and was saying over the intercom: "Security, checkout line 5. Security, checkout line 5 please."

Cops in blue came rushing to the front of the store. One still had a donut in his mouth.

Deidara stopped his screaming for a second to say, "Hey? Does that donut have chocolate glaze?" before starting to scream again.

"And...who may you be?" one cop asked, pointing his gun at Itachi.  
"For heaven's sake, man, don't point the THING AT ME!"  
"Who are you? Answer the question!"  
"I am me." (I answer this all the time lol)  
"Grrr.I mean, your name please."  
"Skippy."  
"You can't be serious..."  
"No, I REALLY AM! Everybody calls me that!"  
"Your BIRTHNAME?"  
"I have a birthname? What's that?"  
"GAH! I CAN'T TAKE THIS STUPIDITY ANYMORE! MY GOD, EVEN THOUGH YOU LOOK ASIAN AND PROBABLY ARE, YOU ACT LIKE A BLONDE! (Srry for the AZN bashing...I'm AZN too) THAT'S IT. BOTH OF YOU HAVE HAD IT!!!!!!"

Two big cops, with lots of muscle, picked up Deidara, who was still screaming, and Itachi, who was too stunned because he'd been called blonde, to do anything. They were thrown out into the bushes beside Wal-Mart with the cop yelling, "AND STAY OUT!" Itachi made to go back in, but the cop shoved him back into the bushes, shooting them both with tranquilizer darts so that both of them passed out immediately. The very next thing the cop did was to put a sign on all of the Wal-Mart entrances that read "NO STUPID BLONDES AND PEOPLE WHO ACT LIKE STUPID BLONDES ALLOWED." He walked back to his station, telling the cashier on the way back, "I need a raise."

* * *

**1. The joke is about Deidara's stutter (yeah, unn), and the kid thinks his name is Deidara Yeah.**

**2. My homeroom teacher called me colorblind once too...I colored some flowers cinnamon on this direction worksheet, and I knew cinnamon was a type of red and then she was all, "NO NO NO! THAT'S BROWN!" and then I argued that it was red, and then she sent me to time out...T.T**

**3. Algebra 8 - Pre Algebra...just with a really fancy name. I'm in Algebra, going to Geometry next year in 8th grade.**

**4. I wrote the Orlando Bloom part in Homeroom, and I was thinking about putting Leonardo DiCaprio instead of Orlando Bloom, but then I asked somebody if Leonardo DiCaprio was a brunette or not, and they looked at me like "WTF?" so hence, Orlando Bloom bashing.**


	6. Hidan and Kakuzu's Story

**xD outta school...made it into Honors 8th Grade Core (Social Studies and English) and I'm in Geometry woot woot! But...I have this stupid summer project to do. T.T it really sucks. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. If I did, Deidara would be a girl and Haku would be a Sex Ed. teacher. **

**Warning: If you have something against Bleach, then don't read this chappie. There is a millisecond appearance of Kubo Tite. (Maker of Bleach).**

**Oh...more blonde bashing in this. You have been warned, so NO FLAMES!**

**

* * *

**

Hidan and Kakuzu headed to the vase section of Wal-Mart, and...they reached it without Hidan ever stabbing himself in the chest or doing one of those unfathomable stupid rituals that got them banned from almost every store they went into. So far, the only store they hadn't been banned from was Party City, because the guy setting up the Halloween display had thought that they had 'WICKED costumes'. Not long after, a whole display of Hidan and Kakuzu Halloween costumes came out, complete with Akatsuki cloak and slashed headband. (Turned out the guy had photographic memory). Unfortunately, most of the people who went around wearing Akatsuki Hidan and Kakuzu merchandise got arrested and jailed. But when the police did a strip search of the "criminals", they discovered that the "criminals" were only wearing costumes, thus resulting in the police officers themselves getting jailed.

Hidan was busy browsing through the vases and Kakuzu was just standing there, keeping an eye on him so that he didn't do anything to freak out the teenager looking at candles, probably for his mother, since it was nearing Mother's Day. Even if Kakuzu HAD a mother, he probably wouldn't have gotten her anything. If she had loved him, she wouldn't have given birth to him in the first place and he would never have this miserable life that he did now. Hidan looked up from his perusing of vases to look over at the Pringles display he had been looking at earlier before he had seen the vases. His eyes widened, and then...drumroll please.

"**PRAYER PRINGLES!" **he squealed, rushing to the Pringles display, causing a couple of very expensive vases to fall to the ground. Kakuzu winced as he heard the glass shatter.

"Better clear out of here," he thought, "before security come and kick us out. Leader won't like it if we get caught. He always said, 'If you wanna break something or steal something from a store, don't get caught and don't give the shifty eyes!'"

He hurriedly left the aisle with all the shattered glass and followed Hidan to the Prayer Pringles display, leaving the teen in the aisle still looking at candles. The teen had no clue what had happened since he was listening to the High School Musical soundtracks on his shuffle iPod at full blast. Kakuzu distinctly heard the sound of security rushing to the crime scene. Hidan was busy browsing through the Prayer Pringles display with evident joy on his face.

"Look! There's so many flavors, but each pringle has a verse from the Bible printed on it! (1) There's the original flavor, savory cheddar, salt and vinegar, sour cream and onion, alter salsa, and guacamole!"

The police had gotten to the vase section. Kakuzu and Hidan acted as though they weren't even aware of what had been going on. Well, it was easy for Hidan, seeing as he hadn't even realized that he'd knocked down expensive vases.

"Hey. Kid. Step away from those candles, bub."

The kid didn't move. He was currently listening to the Chanukkah song by Adam Sandler and he was cracking up.

"Oh. So you think it's funny, do you, kid?"

Now he was rocking out to the song 1985 by Bowling for Soup. (love this song!)

"Hey! Take those earphones out of your ears, kid!" the policeman yelled, and one of the other ones tackled the kid and pulled the earphones out of his ears. A blast of sound emanated from the gray earphones.

"My God, kid, no wonder you couldn't hear us! You must be deaf!"

"That hurt, jeez! Can't you be any more gentle?!"

"You're gonna have to pay for this, kiddo," the cop said, pointing to the glass shards on the tiled floor.

"What?! But I didn't break those!"

"Sure, sure...that's what all teenagers are like. You say you didn't do it, and then everybody knows you're clearly lying. Trust me, kid, I tried that same trick on my mom. She slapped me silly."

"But...!"

"Cough up the dough, kid. That'll be..." - a blonde female cop pulled out a calculator to add up $10 and $10. - "$20.00 plus sales tax."

"I told you, I don't have the money! Mountain Mike's Pizza place fired me as their delivery boy! Said I didn't appeal to female customers."

"Don't know, don't care. You still gotta cough up some dough..."

"No wait!" the blonde cop shrieked. "You're that delivery boy who gave me that one pizza with no cheese and then I said that it was a naked pizza, remember?" (2)

"Oh yeah, huh! Isn't your name...Kessler or something?"

"Yeah! You still remember?"

"Look people, this is not the time to socialize or anything. This kid broke those vases, he needs to pay for 'em!"

"Oh yeah...Money, please."

"But...KESSLER! I thought we were friends!"

"After you called me Keebler on that one delivery? I think not! And that's not even counting the time when you called me Kibbles...like some kind of dog food! Now cough up, William, or we'll have to send you to Juvenile Hall!"

"I told you not to call me that! Call me Will, or Liam, but NOT WILLIAM!"

"I'll call you what I wish. Now, if you don't cooperate and cough up the green stuff, I'm afraid we'll have to kick you out and call your parents. I HAVE THEIR PHONE NUMBER!"

"Do you even know how much I hate the name William? When I got to junior high, I got so mad at my parents for naming me William Edward Elric! I mean, I don't even LIKE Full Metal Alchemist! Seriously, my parents must be touched in the head to be THAT age and STILL like anime! I mean, okay, so Doraemon and Beyblade are pretty decent, but I HATE those new animes they've been coming out with, like Bleach and Inuyasha and all that other junk!"

"Hey! Now you just pushed my buttons too hard, kid! You don't insult anime!"

Now...this cop that had stayed quiet the whole time and looked distinctly as though he didn't want to be there, happened to be Kubo Tite, the creator and mangaka of the popular anime/manga series Bleach. It was very popular, especially for people who loved action, adventure, and comedy, and it had also been a big hit with yaoi fangirls, many of which drew Renji/Ichigo, Byakuya/Renji, Renji/Shuuhei, and Ulquiorra/Grimmjaw. Renji must have been a BIG hit if he was in almost all the popular yaoi pairings.

He walked over to the kid and grabbed his arm, taking away his iPod and then dragging him to the front of the store, where he was promptly strip-searched for any money. Kakuzu had to bite his hand to keep himself from bursting out with insane laughter. Hidan, on the other hand, had been examining the different canisters of Prayer Pringles and was utterly oblivious to what had just happened. He was also oblivious to the fact that he had caused all this chaos.

"And there's Harvest Cheddar, French Onion, Cool Ranch...I want to eat one!"

"Wait! Hidan! We have to buy them first!"

Too late. Hidan had already opened a Harvest Cheddar canister of Prayer Pringles and was munching away, taking time to read the Bible verse printed in blue on each one.

"You're gonna have to pay for those, yanno."

"Ack! SHOOT! We've been found out! Come on, Hidan, let's run for it!"

But Hidan had stopped dead in his tracks, reading another Prayer Pringle.

"But...this one is from the Ten Commandments. It says, 'Thou shalt not steal.' And anybody who breaks the Ten Commandments immediately gets sent to HLL!"

"Hidan, I'm sure you can repent for it later. Let's just go! And if you're so concerned about breaking your crazy religion rules, then you can just become an Athiest like me!"

"But...I still want to follow a religion! You didn't think I bought all those incense sticks for nothing, did you?"

"Fine! Then be a Buddhist! It's all the rage now! Follow Nirvana! Shave your head! Heck, get high on incense smoke! I DONT' CARE, LET'S JUST GO!"

And he grabbed Hidan's hand and practically flew out of the store, rushing into the car, where they found a very startled Kisame, and slammed the door behind them, breathing hard.

MEANWHILE...

"Anybody get their descriptions?" the policeman said.

"Yep. Big, fat, and hecka ugly."

"GOOD JOB LIEUTENANT! That's good enough! We'll track them down in no time!"

**1. I don't know if Hidan's a Christian or not, but it just seemed easier to make him be once so that I could slip in that Buddhist joke later on...If you are Christian or Buddhist, I'm really sorry that I'm insulting your religion. I'm a Christian myself.**

**2. Once my friends and I ordered pizza and it came without cheese and I said, "Hey! It's a naked pizza!"**

**Have a great day you guys. Remember to read my other stories and stuff. BAI BAI.**


	7. Home Sweet HomeNOT!

**Well, I know I haven't updated in quite a long time, but who cares. This is the end of the Akatsuki story...and the world as we know it. No not really, but when I am grown up, I will morph two animals (like that dude in FMA did with his daughter and that dog) and make a real flying pig. Assuming, the pig is a lightweight and it is a very big bird, of course.**

* * *

They'd failed. They had ALL failed. Itachi and Deidara couldn't get their hair gel and had been kicked out of the store, Zetsu had been mistaken for Johnny Depp and absolutely could not get that one guy to understand that all he wanted was some meat, Hidan and Kakuzu were on the run from the paparazzi because they were apparently "the designers" of the wonderful costumes that had sprang out from stores that Halloween, Sasori had been mistaken for a pregnant lady, and Kisame, well, he'd been knocked out in the first place so he doesn't really matter anymore. He just went along for the ride.

So they all returned to the car..all very dejected...and each carrying nothing. Well, except Sasori. He had at least $200 worth of newborn clothes in several bags. The lady had insisted that he get enough while he could. Everybody seemed to be having babies...

This time around, Deidara decided to hand over the wheel to Itachi, who was a much calmer and better driver than he could ever hope to be. However...he was wrong...very wrong...

Itachi, being the crazed half-blind (1) maniac that he was, didn't see the stop sign at the intersection of El Padro and Main. And, unfortunately for him, this was a school crossing section too. Being the end of the school day, these kids were all crossing it. Itachi didn't see them cough cough and nearly ran one kid over, thus resulting in the kid slipping over and his skateboard shooting out from under him, breaking through the backseat window and hitting the newly awakened Kisame on the head, thus knocking him out...AGAIN.

"Ah sht sht sht! How are we gonna explain this one to the Leader?!" Sasori screamed, trying to plug the hole with several newborn baby outfits.  
"WE'RE GONNA SAY THAT UNNAMED CHICK DUDE DID IT, UNN! GAWD DANNA, YOU MUST BE A BRICK OR SIX SHORT OF A LOAD!"  
"ITACHI, WATCH THE FCK OUT!" Hidan and Kakuzu screamed.

Itachi apparently, didn't hear them, and ran over the cop that came to shoot them with tranquilizer darts, effectively killing them. He careened madly around the intersections, laughing and screaming gibberish at all the pedestrians walking by, until...finally, and without further mishap, he hit the brakes hard...and they were back in the Akatsuki...

* * *

They tiptoed inside. Sasori had done some fancy Genjutsu work to make the shattered window look like it had never been broken. He was the only one who could actually do this because Hidan and Kakuzu were both carrying Kisame, who was really heavy and needed two people, Zetsu was looking at his reflection in the garage mirror and murmuring to himself "Do I really look like John E. Depth? (2)", and Itachi and Deidara were having a heated discussion over who was the better (and more sane) driver. Now the glass looked fine...he really hoped that the Leader didn't bother to check too closely.

Inside they heard loud voices. VERY loud voices. Voices that they clearly recognized. One was the Leader, and the other was clearly Orochimaru. They were having an argument, judging by the tones of their voices. But why? Leader and Orochimaru NEVER argued..either the Leader was seriously drunk and pissed at something, or Orochimaru was seriously drunk and pissed at something, or they were BOTH seriously drunk and pissed at something. They all hoped it wasn't the third option...

They crept into the kitchen, peeking around the corner of the doorway to watch. And they were right...Orochimaru and the Leader both had sake cups in their hands and they were making mad gestures about things. Apparently, they had just gotten into the tail end of the discussion, for finally Orochimaru stood up, threw his sake over the Leader, and screamed, with tears everywhere, "YOU MONSTER! I TRY TO MAKE YOU SEE THE TRUTH AND YOU DON'T LISTEN! I HATE YOU AND I HOPE YOU NEVER COME BACK! NEVER!"

The Leader raised an eyebrow. "You do know, Orochimaru-san, that I am the one who has established the Akatsuki, and that I have recruited you as a member, and now, since we have come to our differences, YOU will be the one going on your way, not me. I have given you lodgings here because you have helped me in the past. But since we cannot seem to bridge this rift between us, I am afraid, Orochimaru-san, I will have to let you go."

"Uh...but this is my house too..."  
"No it's not. You just rent a room. NOT GET OUT!"  
"But...But...But I thought what we had was SPECIAL!"  
"IT NEVER WAS! NOW GET OUT BEFORE I..BEFORE I...BEFORE I SET THE DARKNESS ON YOU!"  
"If that's the way it is...then I will leave...But be warned, I will never be with the Akatsuki ever again, and I will fight against you!"  
He turned to leave.  
"You do know, Orochimaru-san, that you will leave the ring here?"  
"NANI?! (3) BUT I WANT TO KEEP THE RING!"  
"Technically, that also belongs to the Akatsuki. Now hand it over before I let Zetsu eat your hand."  
"But...this ring...it was a symbol of our bond together! I can't just let it go!"  
"Actually, yes you can. And no it wasn't. In case you haven't noticed, I've given everybody in the Akatsuki a ring. But that doesn't mean I've gone and slept with Sasori or anything!"  
"Well, yeah! Because Sasori is like 40 years old!"  
"Actually, Orochimaru-san, you're older than he is."  
"ACK! WHAT'S WITH ALL THIS FORMALITY! I THOUGHT...I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS AND DRINKING BUDDIES, NOT...NOT...FORMAL PEOPLE!"  
"We're not. But get out. NOW."  
"You're...You're such a MONSTER!" And Orochimaru left...sobbing and screaming how the world was so unfair...

* * *

"So...umm...Leader?" Itachi asked later at dinner.  
"Yes, Itachi?"  
"What was that whole episode all about?"  
A smirk appeared on the Leader's face. "Ahh...Orochimaru and I just have many differences and that was one of them."  
"Leader, unn?"  
"Yes, Deidara?"  
"What was the difference between you and him, unn? And what did he mean by "something special?""  
"Deidara, he thought we were friends, like best friends, because he was the first Akatsuki recruit. But we weren't. In the long run, I never did like him. shudder He's like a long-tongued, snake-like version of Michael Jackson. With the nose."  
"What were you arguing about?" Hidan and Kakuzu both said in unison.  
"A thing that has been a difference between us for years."  
"Will you tell us?" Sasori asked, curious.  
"Unfortunately, Sasori, this is a personal issue, and cannot be revealed to the Akatsuki at this time. I am truly sorry, but I cannot reveal this. Not yet."  
"Ahhh..."

During the whole meal, Kisame had not said a single word. That was odd, since he was normally the one who contributed most to dinner discussions. After dinner, Leader said...  
"Kisame...why are you so green?"

Kisame had just shaken his head. Deidara had started to crack up and then he said, "He looks more purple to me!" (4)

The next morning...

* * *

"DEIDARA? ITACHI? I WANT TO HAVE A TALK WITH YOU!"  
"Yes...L-Leader?"  
"WHAT HAPPENED TO MY CAR?!"  
"IT WAS ITACHI'S FAULT, UNN! IT WASN'T ON MY DRIVING THAT THE SKATEBOARD WENT THROUGH THE WINDOW!"  
"IT WAS DEIDARA'S FAULT! HE ALMOST CRASHED THE LEXUS ON THE ONE HILL!"  
"I DON'T CARE WHO DID IT! GET IT FIXED! NOW! YOU ARE GROUNDED FOR TWO WEEKS!"  
"Aw...Leader...but..."  
"NO BUTS! DO IT! NOW!"

And so went the life of the Akatsuki, with Deidara and Itachi being grounded from criminal pursuits for two weeks, Zetsu decided to go vegetarian, Kisame resolved that he would go to the Cloud Village and learn how to fly a cloud so that he didn't have to hassle with the traffic and potential accidents on the road, Hidan went Buddhist, and Kakuzu...well, he kept trying to light one too many incense sticks in Hidan's room so that he got high on the smoke and hopefully set himself on fire by standing too close to the stick to smell it. All was well in the world...until Itachi went outside one day to water the plants as part of his punishment, looked up to see the sunset, and saw an army of...what were those? They looked too big to be birds, and he was sure they weren't Deidara's. Deidara was inside doing laundry. He squinted. Then his eyes widened.

"Oh shit no..."

"AHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LEADER! THE FLYING PIGS HAVE ARRIVED!"  
"AUGH! I KNEW THEY WOULD COME BACK TO GET ME ONE DAY! EVERYBODY INSIDE, AND WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T FRY THE BACON!"

* * *

**1. My friend and I thought that since Itachi used Sharingan all the time, he would soon be blind and need glasses.**

**2. Because Zetsu doesn't really know who Johnny Depp is, and if he hadn't seen the name on the cover of a magazine near the meat stand, he wouldn't have known how to sign the guy's head and not be exposed as a fraud. But, since he has the memory span of a spork, he couldn't remember how he spelled it. Thus, John E. Depth.**

**3. Nani means what...if you didn't know that already**

**4. What color does a blue fish turn when it is sick? Purple! D**

**Don't ask about the flying pigs. Just don't ask. Feel free to use flying pigs. No copyright, for once. Go ahead and use my idea. I don't mind. But mark my words, one day, pigs WILL FLY!**

**No I'm not crazy. D. Read and review and there will be one last chapter to this story. A blooper, if you will. To be updated soon...**


	8. Orochimaru's Expulsion BONUS!

**This isn't really a chapter in the Akatsuki story, but just go along with it. I know you're dying to know what that "difference" between the Leader and Orochimaru was. So here is the bonus chapter! All dialogue. If you have not seen or read Winnie the Pooh, please don't bother yourself with reading this. You won't understand it, and nothing is worse than people who don't have enough experience to understand the humor, unless it is flying pigs carrying sporks to remake 9/11. It might make some sense if you have SEEN a picture of Winnie the Pooh, but it's better if you've seen the movies or read the books. **

* * *

"Leader?" 

"Yes, Orochimaru?"

"Well, I was kinda wondering...why do you use Winnie the Pooh as a stress reliever? I mean, why not Christopher Robin or something?"

"Well, Orochimaru, Christopher Robin is a boy."

"Does that make a difference?"

"Yes, indeed it does. I, once upon a time, used to be Christopher Robin's father, until he tragically drowned in that horrible flood that destroyed all of the Hundred Acre Woods."

"So...why do you have something against Winnie the Pooh? It's not like HE started the flood..."

"No, that is quite true. Even though Pooh may be a plotter at heart, he does not have the power to make the clouds pss." (1)

"Ah...so then why do you have issues about him?"

"I have several about him. To tell them all would take forever."

"Can I hear just a few of them?"

"Since you are my comrade and drinking buddy, I shall oblige...just this once...First off, have you noticed that Pooh is wearing a shirt?"

"Yes...I know that Pooh is wearing a shirt..."

"And you notice what color it is, right?"

"Red...isn't it?"

"Yes, red indeed. That states three things. First off, red is not a color to wear when you are mortally obese and if you have serious self confidence issues to be that fat. Second, this also emphasizes the fact that Pooh is making fun of the Akatsuki. HOW DARE A STUFFED BEAR MAKE FUN OF ME?! And last but not least, it also emphasizes the fact that shifty eyes Pooh is...NOT WEARING PANTS!"

"OH EM GEE..."

"Yes. I mean, he has the sense to wear a shirt, why doesn't he have the sense to wear pants?!"

"Maybe there were no pants in his size?"

"THAT'S NOT THE POINT! OMAEDA HAS PANTS THAT HE CAN WEAR! AND HE'S LIKE 300 POUNDS! Unless, of course, Pooh weighs more than Omaeda...(2)"

"Please, Leader, don't go comparing Pooh to other hosts from other talk shows."

"That's not the point, Orochimaru. Pooh is mortally obese. And besides, he is NOT WEARING PANTS. I mean, if you aren't going to wear pants, why don't you just go naked then?! And Pooh gave Christopher Robin 6 months in therapy! My poor boy...his first trip into the Hundred Acre Woods he saw a naked bear and was mentally scarred for life..."

"He's a stuffed animal, Leader...not like he had any "parts" worth mentioning."

"AND WHAT IS A POOH? FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE! HE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A PROPER NAME! I mean, Winnie. That is a girl's name. Why does a BOY bear have a GIRL'S name? And if Winnie the Pooh is his name, Winnie would be his first name, The his second, and Pooh his last. THAT'S THE STUPIDEST NAME I HAVE EVER HEARD!"

"Well, Leader, maybe a POOH is a sort of bear."

"A POOH? A POOH?! MY GOD! DO YOU THINK THERE IS A BEAR IN THE WORLD CALLED A POOH?! USE SOME COMMON SENSE, MICHAEL JACKSON WITH THE NOSE!!"

"HEY! DON'T INSULT ME!"

"I WILL INSULT YOU AS I WISH!"

and then if you wish to read the rest of this discussion, please turn to Chapter 7, and read on from there. This is the end of this story of Akatsuki crack. More stories coming soon.

* * *

**1. When I was little and I saw it raining, I always used the say "Daddy! Your car is getting dirty because the clouds are peeing on it!" How naive I was...**

**2. Omaeda's from Bleach. He's the second division's lieutenant and he is like 300 pounds. No joke.**

**Please go and read Deidara Yeah's Survival Guide. Everybody is asking for more Akatsuki crack and it is really pissing me off that you're asking for it without reading Deidara Yeah's Survival Guide! Jeez people...**

**Ok I'm not pissed off at you guys anymore, but go and read it and review please! Oh, and recommend it to all your friends if you find it good! Ok, bai bai!**


End file.
